So, how do you deal with the aftermath of revealing all that you are and ever have been to a stranger? Ugh. It isn't shame or embarrassment that is the problem. I feel ridiculous and perhaps putting it down in writing will burst the bubble surrounding it/me.
Hanging out I ran into someone that apparently was put in place to make some effect on my life. Well, he did. The hardest part to explain is the motivation - that's what I cannot seem to grasp. What was his reasoning for pushing me to be so completely and utterly honest to him, myself and another friend? He gained nothing. Honestly, he could have devastated me that weekend had he chosen to. Instead I feel taunted and exposed and more alone than I have ever felt in my entire life.
Had he slept with me, as I so badly wished he would have (and we discussed it even) ... I could have written it all off as being due to the sexual tension. Instead he stated that he wanted to and believed he could have but was not going to ..... UGH! How do you deal with someone who for no reason wants you to feel, makes you feel and sees all the way into your soul while asking for nothing but honesty in return? and then he walks away ....... perhaps he will call, perhaps he will not. I refused to ask for his information and that's probably best as I would have already called.
I don't wait well. I hate not understanding some one's motivation. I really hate feeling a connection FINALLY and it being gone, whether it was a fraud or not. Self revelation sucks. Loneliness sucks!
Hanging out I ran into someone that apparently was put in place to make some effect on my life. Well, he did. The hardest part to explain is the motivation - that's what I cannot seem to grasp. What was his reasoning for pushing me to be so completely and utterly honest to him, myself and another friend? He gained nothing. Honestly, he could have devastated me that weekend had he chosen to. Instead I feel taunted and exposed and more alone than I have ever felt in my entire life.
Had he slept with me, as I so badly wished he would have (and we discussed it even) ... I could have written it all off as being due to the sexual tension. Instead he stated that he wanted to and believed he could have but was not going to ..... UGH! How do you deal with someone who for no reason wants you to feel, makes you feel and sees all the way into your soul while asking for nothing but honesty in return? and then he walks away ....... perhaps he will call, perhaps he will not. I refused to ask for his information and that's probably best as I would have already called.
I don't wait well. I hate not understanding some one's motivation. I really hate feeling a connection FINALLY and it being gone, whether it was a fraud or not. Self revelation sucks. Loneliness sucks!
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