Waiting ....

I hate waiting.  Most people dislike it but I am almost non-functional, cranky, grumpy, jumpy and just flat fucking scared.

The interview was amazing, the staff phenomenal, the station changed my opinion about a lot of things that are possible.  There were quirks and hurdles - not going to lie - but all within my capacity to work around, try and fix or deal with.  So.  I have to wait, up to a week.  I swear I will be so wired by Friday it may not matter if the job is offered - my friends, co-workers and family may have already murdered me and buried me in a deep ass grave never to be found as to not deal with my insanity any longer.

The base of the pay range would still allow me to make a bit more than I am currently, working 4 fucking jobs and killing myself every day.  The status and potential is exponential and that is hard to even imagine. So, prayers for clarity, speed and decisiveness, please.

Terrified

Opportunity came calling this week.  I have an interview tomorrow that I really never thought would happen.  Excited.  Terrified.  Nervous.  Exhilarated.  So many conflicting emotions running rampant right now.  I just wish the time would fly so that it would be time and I could just move to the next step, whatever that is.  If it's right .... lots of changes.  If it isn't ... disappointment but "normal" isn't all that bad right now.

Protect me from .... me

Sometimes I do the dumbest things.  Maybe not dumb ..... but definitely unwise.  I have this problem with self control.  I can normally have a little bit and be appropriate in society and relationships, however, add a drop of alcohol or temptation (even without the booze) and BOOM, yep I fuck it up.  What often makes it worse is the honesty that I give out at the same time.  Ask me a question?  Yep, no filter, no self protection just absolute, blunt honesty irregardless of how it might hurt me in the end.

Thank God my last, uhm, slip(?) was a protected one.  Sounds goofy to say that.  I just have no idea how else to explain without tattling on myself.  A trusted, loved person and surrounded by others that are loved and trusted .... ergo protected all around.  I just think the best idea is to appoint a babysitter to me and keep me from myself ....

Is that possible?

Pissed

Who ever thinks that they have the right to tell some one's child something about them that they were not asked to tell?  Rights.  That's kinda huge.  I never believe that something about someone is mine to share with others.  It just isn't mine, therefore, not my story to tell.  It doesn't matter how small or how big.  We are often disrespectful of other people's information and shouldn't be.  It has the power to change things.  If I choose to change things that is one thing - someone deciding for me just pisses me off.  Fucking dick.